Even when I’m not pleased with myself.

“The Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him, in those who hope in His steadfast love.” — Psalm 147:11

Lord, I am beginning to realise how often I measure Your pleasure in me by my pleasure in myself.

When I’ve had a good day.
When I’ve been disciplined.
When I’ve prayed enough.
When I’ve responded well.
When I’ve been patient and gracious and kind.

Then it is easy to imagine You smiling at me.

But what about the other days?

The days when I lose my patience. When I say something I wish I could take back. When I’m distracted in prayer. When I fall into an old pattern. When I know better — and still don’t do better.

Somewhere deep inside, I think Your expression toward me must change.

Surely You are disappointed in me now.

And yet I sense You whispering something entirely different:

Beloved, I am still smiling at you.

Not because everything I do pleases You. It doesn’t. You love me too much to call everything good. You correct me. Convict me. Lead me into repentance. Shape me.

But Your correction does not cancel Your affection.

What a revelation that is.

I am not loved according to my latest performance

When Jesus was baptised, before His public ministry had even begun, the Father declared:

“This is My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” — Matthew 3:17

Before the miracles.
Before the crowds.
Before Calvary.

Beloved came before accomplishment.

And because I am in Christ, I no longer have to spend my life desperately trying to earn what Jesus has already opened for me: relationship with the Father.

I am His.

Perhaps this is one of the hardest things for those of us who have spent our lives performing, achieving, fixing and trying harder to understand.

God’s love is not a reward for getting it right.

I can come to Him while I am still disappointed with myself.

I can come messy.

I can come frustrated.

I can come saying, Lord, I did it again.

And instead of turning His face away, He invites me closer.

What if God is kinder toward me than I am?

This morning I find myself wondering:

Lord, what do You see when You look at me?

Because I know what I see.

I see the places where I still need to grow. The prayers that haven’t been answered. The reactions I wish were different. The areas where I thought I would be further along by now.

But You see the whole story.

You see who I am becoming.

You see every tiny surrender nobody else notices. Every time I choose You again. Every quiet prayer. Every battle fought behind closed doors. Every seed of obedience that hasn’t broken through the soil yet.

And perhaps while I am staring at everything that still needs changing, You are delighting in the daughter who keeps turning toward You.

Zephaniah gives us this astonishing picture:

“The Lord your God is with you… He will take great delight in you; in His love He will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” — Zephaniah 3:17 NIV

God rejoices over His people.

Think about that.

I spend so much time wondering whether I am doing enough for God that I can miss the wonder of being delighted in by God.

Look up and see His face

When everything around me becomes noisy, I want to learn to stop.

To close my eyes.

To turn my attention away from everything demanding to be noticed and find His face again.

And perhaps instead of the disappointed Father I sometimes imagine, I will discover the Father Jesus came to reveal.

Merciful.

Patient.

Near.

Looking at me with love.

Smiling.

Not because I have finally become perfect, but because I belong to Him.

Isaiah 51:3 says:

“The Lord will surely comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins; He will make her deserts like Eden, her wastelands like the garden of the Lord. Joy and gladness will be found in her…”

I love that.

He doesn’t wait until the wilderness becomes a garden before He comes near.

He enters the wilderness and transforms it.

Maybe that is what I need to remember today.

God is not standing at the finished version of me, waiting for me to arrive.

He is here.

In the becoming.

In the unfinished places.

In the prayers still hanging somewhere between heaven and earth.

In my mistakes and my growing and my surrender.

And His pleasure gives me the safety to change.

Not shame.

Not striving.

Love.

Today’s invitation

What if, just for today, I stopped looking at myself through the lens of everything I think is wrong with me?

What if I asked:

Father, how do You see me?

And then stayed quiet long enough to listen.

Perhaps I would hear:

You are Mine.

I see you.

Come closer.

I haven’t changed My mind about you.

And maybe I would finally stop trying so desperately to earn His smile…

and simply smile back.

Prayer

Father,
sometimes I am so hard on myself.

I see my shortcomings before I see Your grace. I focus on where I have failed instead of remembering who I am in Christ.

Teach me to see myself through Your eyes.

Thank You that Your love isn’t withdrawn when I get things wrong. Thank You that I can bring You the messy, unfinished version of me. Correct what needs correcting, Lord. Change what needs changing. But never let me confuse Your loving correction with rejection.

Help me recognise Your face in the middle of my ordinary day.

When life feels chaotic, draw my eyes back to You.

And when I am disappointed in myself, remind me:

I am still Your beloved.

Let me become so secure in Your love and so fixed on Your goodness that circumstances cannot determine my joy.

Today, Father, I receive Your love instead of trying to earn it.

And if You are smiling at me…

teach me to smile back.

Amen.

Scriptures to sit with: Matthew 3:17 · Zephaniah 3:17 · Psalm 147:11 · Romans 8:1 · Ephesians 1:3–6 · Isaiah 51:3 · Hebrews 12:6 🤍

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